


serves you right

by Weirdy



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 16:24:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4399019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weirdy/pseuds/Weirdy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Victoria has an insight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	serves you right

They met in the back of the dorm. It was all a coincidence, really. A couple words were exchanged. A bit stilled, for sure, but way more civil than the usual. Max smiled at her before returning to her business. Victoria smiled back. A real smile.

And then a pervasive idea occurred to her. That idea that had been simmering low in the back of her mind for quite some time already.

She whispered to herself “I like her.”

It was true. She knew it was true. If Victoria could affirm something, it was that she knew herself. And her heart didn’t go crazy fast, her cheeks didn’t burn and she didn’t completely lose the ability to speak, all at the same time, in any situation, except for when she was in love.

It was happening again. The same old pattern of stupidity replaying itself in front of her eyes. Her throat was so dry. She kept still, unable to function. Too stunned. Too doomed.

Victoria felt like crying. She wanted to go to her bed and curl into the smallest ball possible and disappear, eventually. She still remembered last time, when those dumb, dumb feelings started shit again. It hadn’t been pretty. In her experience, every time she so-called ‘fell in love’, it just served to ruin her a bit further.

And yet, there she was, doing the dance all over again. _Stupid, stupid_.

Max had left a couple of minutes already, but Victoria’s heart was still beating hard. She leaned against the wall, sort of hugging herself. No one had ever seen her looking so miserable.

Before she knew it, a pair of hot tears rolled down her cheeks, falling flat on the concrete floor. Victoria wiped angrily at her face. Forgetting all about her makeup. She couldn’t stand it.

The trouble with crying is that, once you start, you better go all the way until the sadness is drained. And then, Victoria cried her eyes out in the back of the dorm.

She crawled back inside, head down, avoiding everyone. Praying to whatever god that she wouldn’t encounter Taylor or Courtney, she didn’t want to begin to think about explaining her puffy eyes.

But the person she wanted to avoid more than anyone was Max fucking Caulfield. Wound on her flesh.

Why she had to have feelings for lame ass people like her. If she was going to fall in love couldn’t it be for someone cooler, or at least… hotter?

Victoria made it to her room without major complications. She locked the door and fell in a heap on her bed. Rubbing at her sore eyes, she pressed her palms over them, blocking the world around. She felt so exhausted. And it was just the beginning.

The memories had reached to her again. She remembered being fourteen, hanging with her best-friend-forever from middle school, they had the best conversations; she’d never tell. And when she was sixteen, that shy girl with good taste on fashion and a secretive smile, and who was so tiny and cute; Victoria had had it bad for her. The rejection still stung if she thought too much about it.

And now there was Max Caulfield. With her doe eyes and bob hair and disgusting freckles. Tripping over herself to respond questions in class; always alone with that pretentious Polaroid or adding entries on her journal like some prepubescent girl. She couldn’t even dress herself with something that didn’t scream Target.

Victoria sighed, loud, heavy.

Who was she kidding? God knows how much she stared at that girl. She knew every freckle on her face, she envied Max’s talent to make even fucking polaroids look good, and the simple clothing would be so easy to take off…

Victoria grumbled and crossed her arms over her forehead. She had already started to think lewd stuff; it was more serious than she wanted to admit.

Max would _never_ want anything to do with her; of that she was certain. She probably hated her guts. Maybe it would be a good start to at least stop picking on her so much…

Fuck it!

What was the point anyway? This love bullshit never did her any good. People won’t think twice before stepping on you if you’re weak for them. And Victoria preferred to be the one doing the stepping. Rather feared than loved.

Victoria grew angry. Her body felt hot, buzzing with the intensity of her despise for the idea of love. She didn’t need love. She was better than that. She stood on a fire driven movement and decided that she wouldn’t be the weak this time.

Max Caulfield could go fuck herself for all Victoria cared. There was no way she was going to suffer over that piece of hipster trash.

Victoria decided to put her plan to ignore the hell out of feelings into practice and started by cleansing. Her face felt sticky and her hair was a mess; she picked up her stuff to head to the showers.

The rush hour was still to begin and the stalls were empty. Everything was already playing on her side. She took her time, the stream carrying away the stress of the day, hot water soothing her muscles and she relaxed at last. Victoria even found it in herself to make a shampoo mohawk. It amused her to no end; no-one would ever know how much of a dork she could be sometimes.

 _Dork_.

The word triggered the evil in her and the thoughts of Max all came flooding back. The imagery of Max in the shower with her infested her mind, Victoria started to feel hot regardless the temperature of the water. She hurriedly turned off the shower head and fled to her room before she went too far.

 

* * *

 

Two weeks went by in which Victoria tried and failed to ignore her feelings towards Max. That was so fucking unhealthy. Victoria couldn’t keep on like this. She had been restless, jumpy and stressed during all that time. She got so moody that even she couldn’t stand herself.

It seemed like the more she denied the more she wanted Max. Therefore, in hopes that this freakish inverted psychology worked both ways, from then on, Victoria decided to try and allow herself to think about Max as much as she felt like. It should wear out at some point.

During the mornings she didn’t chastised herself when thoughts of Max lying by her side on bed formed on her mind. Victoria smiled at the idea of hugging her close, imagining the smell of shampoo and the vibration of a breathy chuckle, the way Max did when she was humored.

She didn’t go out of her way to avoid Max. If they were somewhat close, Victoria braved it. Even when her gaze strayed to the back of Max’s head, she allowed it. If they ran into each other in the hallways, she didn’t make a cruel remark, but rather would let her eyes linger a second or two before stepping aside. Oh, God. She really liked that girl.

Feeding herself in fantasies was less destructive than trying to forcefully shut down her feelings, but the weight of reality hit her mercilessly at the end of each daydream, and she felt sadder than before.

 

* * *

 

It had been almost a month since the veracity of her feelings downed upon her. Her behavior had been unpredictable. Her friends noticed, of course. God! The whole town noticed. When you are known as a major cold hearted bitch but don’t feel like ravaging any souls anymore, people start to wonder.

Even Max had been giving her these weird looks, like she wished to figure out what the fuck was happening to Victoria. It was pitiful to admit, but Victoria rejoiced in the little attention Max gave her.

 

* * *

 

Victoria was alone in her room, mulling over it once again, when the prickle of tears threatened her. She wasn’t doing so hot those days. And she knew what she had to do. If you pull out the arrow quickly in one single motion, it will bleed a lot, yes, but the process of healing will start sooner, maybe even the scar will be subtler. You just gotta swallow the tears and bear the pain.

She asked Max to speak that same week, after yellowing about a hundred times. Max seemed suspicious, of course, but accepted it nonetheless. Victoria chose to do it in the back of the dorm. It had started there and should end there as well. It gave her an ironic sense of finality.

Max appeared around the corner in the combined time. Victoria was leaning against the wall on her folded arms, putting a little protection between her and the cold bricks but leaving her front open. Such a poetic asshole.

Max’s eyes searched nervously the surroundings, for any signs of ill-intentioned pranks. At last, she zeroed her gaze on Victoria, who looked sick-pale. Max waited a couple of minutes in which there was only stillness. She was the one to break the morbid silence.

“So, you want to talk…” she drawled, prompting Victoria to cut the crap.

Victoria _felt_ sick. She thought she might die if this torture didn’t end for good. She corrected her position, standing fully in front of Max. Her limbs were shaky but she refused to adopt a closed off stance. She was ready to take the blow.

“Yes” she sort of mumbled, voice small, looking down. Her breathing was shallow and her palms were cold. “I- I need to tell you something.” She made her best to remember the script she rehearsed over eight-thousand times. But no one can really prepare themselves to be hurt, can they?

Max stood there, lost as hell, one hand clutching the opposite elbow, she didn’t know where to look or how to stand “Well, go on.”

Victoria started to stutter, the ideas jammed in her brain. For the love of god she couldn’t enunciate one single entire word. She felt a bit panicked and mentally yelled at herself to stop being so pathetic and say it already. Her face was impossibly red by then, she felt like she was about to explode.

Max really wanted to take a picture of that, she had never seen someone top her on being nervous and awkward. But she was actually concerned for Victoria. What was it that she wanted to say? It must be pretty serious business.

She tried to bring her to calm down, “Victoria, it’s alrig-“

“I love you!”

Max wondered for a brief moment if she had stopped time out of shock. Everything went impossibly still. Until she saw Victoria’s eyes widening and her face growing paler. She started doing this really weird anxious back and forth, like she was struggling to come up with something to say or do but couldn’t think of nothing.

Max had had enough. “I don’t know what you’re up to, but I’m out.” And turned to leave, intending to forget this encounter ever existed. But before she completely turned, Victoria grabbed her wrist, making Max wipe back to her previous position, to free herself from Victoria’s light hold.

Victoria, then, looked like a kicked puppy. Max felt so disoriented, maybe it was all a dream. Or one of those signs of the Apocalypse. Something wasn’t right, that’s for sure.

“What?” Max barked, she didn’t want to prolong that madness any longer, that sick joke Victoria was pulling didn’t deserve her good manners.

Victoria, for her part, was in war with herself. She could just drop it and take it as the rejection she came to receive. But having Max not even believing her wasn’t a thing Victoria’s pride could take.

She let a bit of her superior act slip back, so she felt more confident. “I'm not lying, Caulfield.” Max rewarded her with an incredulous glare. Victoria snapped, “Goddammit! It’s not a joke.”

Max kind of wanted to rewind to before it all started, but it was already out of her range of reach. If Victoria was insisting on this stupid joke, Max might as well show she was no fool. “ _Really?_ For a minute you got me there,” she sank to a snide remark, so typical of her counterpart.

Victoria almost fell into anger, but sadness overcame and she dropped her head. She should have known better than to expect Max’s understanding. Well, in the end she had only herself to blame, to be honest.

She decided for spilling the truth and be done with it. Max believing her or not. There wasn’t anything to lose anyway. “I know you don’t believe me but I'm being serious, Max.” Victoria looked up, meeting Max’s eyes to reinforce her words. “I shouldn’t have said ‘love’ but there’s no lie about it anyway.”

Max was beyond flabbergasted. She didn’t want to fall for that malicious shenanigan, but while she held Victoria’s unwavering gaze, she was reminded of that day with the paint incident. Victoria looked so authentic and… hopeless. Sort of small… But that would be _crazy_.

Max broke the eye contact and it was her turn to look down. The pause gave her time to process all that information. However, she kept on being wary, “ _Supposing_ it is true and you do… _like_ me. What do you want from me? Why are you telling me this?”

Victoria breathed deeply for the first time during their encounter. A little pleased for, at least, being taken into consideration. But the time to wrap this up was upon her and she didn’t want to mess it up now.

“I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend, Max. I _know_ you don’t like me. And you’re probably too square to swing both ways.” Victoria nearly scoffed.

“It doesn’t respond my question.” Max rebutted.

Steeling herself Victoria said, “Look, Caulfield, it has been no fun pining after you. I have better things to do.” She gazed at the surroundings in her snobbish demeanor. “Just reject me already so I can move on and never think about you again.”

That situation totally bugged her mind. Max never thought someone would confess their love for her; not to mention said person being Victoria Chase, her antagonist, her foil; and then being asked to turn down these feelings. It was another level of hopelessness.

“Okay. But if you like someone, wouldn’t you want them to be with you instead?” Max conjectured, out of curiosity.

Not that Max liked Victoria back. _No_. It would be unimaginable. The world would certainly be hit by a massive meteor and have the life extinguished before it happened. But still, it was kind of heartbreaking, in her opinion.

Victoria looked down, meeting Max’s eyes. She took a step closer, so they were in each other’s intimate space. The warmth of proximity contrasted with the wintery air. Her eyes full of fog and promises of mystery.

“Don’t do that. If you don’t mean it.”

Maybe Max couldn’t understand Victoria’s reasons, but the way in which she said that, so heavy and tired, almost sleepy, nearly devout. It made her ribs tighten around her heart.

Max played along, not knowing what else to do. She softly mumbled “Okay. Hmm… So what should I do?”

Victoria grimaced a bit. The exchange taking its toll on her. At this point she just wanted to rest. “I don’t know… Just say you don’t like me.”

It should have been easy to say. I don’t like you. _I don’t like you_. But the trouble with Max is that she’s a terrible liar. The words weighted on her tongue. She couldn’t pronounce it. It felt so wrong. Even if she couldn’t, properly, reciprocate Victoria’s feelings, in that moment, she didn’t want to dismiss them either.

“I don’t like you” she all but whispered.

It wasn’t true. She knew it wasn’t true. If Max could affirm something, it was that she knew herself. And her heart didn’t feel heavy, her stomach didn’t go crazy cold and she didn’t despise words so much, all at the same time, for someone she _didn’t_ like.

The look on Victoria’s face after hearing that sentence surpassed resignation. Max never thought she would witness Victoria being so emotionally raw. That feeling of tight ribs started again.

Holding Max’s gaze, Victoria made it to leave. But in her way she risked a squeeze on Max’s arm and managed to say, “Thank you, Max. See you around.” And with a watery voice and glistering eyes she disappeared around the corner.

Max stood alone in the back of the dorm. When she came, she wasn’t sure what to expect, but being left feeling hurt was the truest surprise.

She never hated Victoria, in all honest, but never considered that between the two of them could exist anything other than apathy.

Her chest felt painfully tight. It was so uncanny. Max couldn’t get past the moment she and Victoria just shared. Did Victoria actually love her? Because she didn’t even try.

It wasn’t before a couple dozen minutes of internal turmoil, but Max finally went back to her dorm. It disturbed her how the world simply kept on its routine, uncaring, when _she_ was feeling terribly alien. Max had seen something and she couldn’t unsee it.

 

* * *

 

Eventually, she rejoined the normal course of life, however, carrying an idea on her head. An idea someone gave her. Every day it grew a bit stronger, casually whispering ‘what-if’s’ at unholy hours. Creeping ivy inside her mind.

She didn’t remember how it was before she knew it. To these things there was only now; the past is a blur and the future is to fear. She understood it then. It was all a matter of consequences. One day you are gentle to someone when they are harsh to you. One day someone tells you they love you and the other day you have everything to lose.

That was the life’s way of saying “Serves you right.”

**Author's Note:**

> i headcanon victoria as being soft on the inside


End file.
